International relationships How to attract …

This post is not just for Asian men. Although there is the phenomenon in which one is more likely to see an Asian woman with a White guy but not vice-versa, this post will not directly address that issue. It will, however, help any Asian male that feels that it is an issue.

This is not a tutorial on how to attract and get a particular person. It’s about wanting the feelings that one gets from a relationship i.e. warmth, playfulness, excitement, etc. and having the right person come to you. The right person for you may not be the one you are after. That person may not be a match in that she is just not attracted to Asian men.

What I am setting out to do is to give you the tools to attract the type of people who are attracted to Asian men (or whatever you may be). This involves clearing yourself of the beliefs that you are not good or deserving enough, putting out the intention to attract the kind of person that gives you the feelings of compassion, joy, and excitement, and taking action to allow the person to find you.

This is not going to be about small peripheral changes such as your wardrobe or posture, and it’s especially not going to be on the best pickup lines. “Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special!” Hell no. This is going to be about changing the 3 essential aspects that will determine whether you attract your ideal person to you: thoughts, emotions, and actions.

It’s what my mentor Deb Vogel ( calls the TEA triangle. If you take action on them, this process will fundamentally change you, such that you always attract the person you want, regardless of whether you are Asian, Indian, Black, rich, poor, buff, skinny, etc. Now, I’m not going to go all Mike Myers’ The Love Guru on you. Instead, I’m going to give you explicit steps that you can actually use.

Your ability to attract anyone has ALMOST NOTHING to do with external circumstances such as your looks, ethnicity, money, location, etc. That’s right- I said it. It has EVERYTHING to do with what’s inside of you. No, I don’t mean some vague notion of some eternal spirit. What I mean are your beliefs about yourself. For Asian men, this means that the following have nothing to do with your ability to attract a hot (White) girl:
– lack of bodily hair
– lack of facial hair
– your hair
– your eyes
– your culture
– how buff/skinny you are
– your love of rice/academia/video games/Korean soap-operas/[insert stereotype]
– size of your johnson

It has everything to do with, wait for it….CONFIDENCE! Confidence in yourself is universally attractive. If someone holds one of the above against you as a reason they’re not attracted to you, then that’s not a problem. In fact, then you know that you just aren’t a match for the person.

Now the first time I was told this, I thought it was fine and dandy. But when I actually asked what that meant or how to get it, I got responses ranging from, “You know, just be sure of yourself” to “Just fake it if necessary”. All useless recommendations. It took me several years to figure it out and actually create a system that worked.

So what do I mean by confidence? I mean that you think, act, and feel confident. You are at a point at which you can comfortably say that you are an awesome person and deserve to have your ideal person. That’s it.

I’m not going to lie, what I’m going to recommend you do will make you feel uncomfortable and may sound weird. But ask yourself, how bad do you want it? How bad do you want the type of girl/guy you’re attracted to, to also be attracted to you and come to you? This is not going to be some form of therapy where it takes months to see results. This is also not going to be some random point and shoot method where you blindly go after every girl out there. I will give you a system that’s efficient and effective. If you actually try out some of these methods, you will see results.

#1 Set an intention

The first and most important step is creating an intention that is easily understood by your brain. It can’t just be, “I want a really hot chick.” Nuh-uh. Your intention must have the following characteristics:
a) easily verifiable: someone with a checklist could check off that you achieved your intention
b) stated in the present tense: state it as if it were already true i.e. “I have an emotionally fulfilling relationship” vs. “I would really like an emotionally fulfilling relationship”
c) exciting: just the thought of it excites you!
d) it’s written down on paper

As an example, the first time I used this system, my intention was, “I have emotionally, physically, and playfully fulfilling relationships.” I then wrote down what I meant by each adjective so that my mind was explicitly clear on what I meant by each and could know when I achieved it.

#2 Clear any limiting beliefs
This is often the biggest block people have. Although the wording may be different, most of it comes down to the following belief- I’m not good enough. It’s the belief that I’m not good and don’t deserve the kind of person I want. The following are effective techniques in completely eliminating any sort of limiting beliefs:

a) Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT): The basic premise is that it clears your acupuncture meridian points. In clearing the energy channels, your emotional and physical health improve. It may sound a little peculiar but it works. The below website gives a free manual on how to do it.

b) Talk to a friend, especially one of the opposite sex, you trust about what you consider to be your character flaws that prevent you from attracting the girl you’ve always imagined. Saying it aloud and having someone contradict it goes a long way. To make the session even more effective, talk about your earliest memory in which this character flaw was an issue. This also helps relieve the emotional blocks.

#3 Visualize daily for 15 minutes
Every day, visualize your ideal person or relationship. What does she look like? What does it feel like to be around her? What do you guys do together? What do you tell your friends? Now visualize who you have become. What does the confident you do? Say? Feel? Think? Imagine every facet of you and your ideal girl to the point that, by the end of the session, it feels real. You should be smiling and happy if you did it right. This is the same principle elite Olympic athletes, Buddhist monks, and other mind-body specialists use to create their realities. When visualizing the new you, you are re-wiring your brain to create the new you. When visualizing your ideal women, you are fine-tuning your mind to single out and attract women just like her.

#4 Take action
Things are going to get a little scary and exciting now. The following is a comfort challenge to get you accustomed to taking bold actions, pulled from Tim Ferriss’ The Four Hour Workweek. If you get nervous and start sweating while doing this- good! Getting what you want is directly correlated to the amount of discomfort you can handle. Also, getting through this will give you an incredible confidence boost.

Get Phone Numbers: For two days, you are going to practice getting people’s phone numbers. Each day, you will ask at least 3 attractive people for their number. The objective here isn’t necessarily to get numbers but rather to get over the fear of doing so. Here’s the script I recommend:
“Excuse me. This is going to sound strange but if I don’t ask you now, I’ll regret it for the rest of the day. I’m running to meet a friend, but I think you’re really cute. Could I have your number? I promise I’m not a psycho and if you’re not interested, you can give me a fake.”

Don’t stop taking action. The above steps will mentally and emotionally prepare you, but actually taking action is what will set you apart from 90% of the other people out there. This is another aspect of confidence- having the courage to go for what you want despite the fear. What actions? Any! Ask someone out to coffee, talk to the cutie at the bookstore, anything. Having the courage to talk to someone proves to yourself and others that you are confident in yourself and like I said earlier- that’s universally attractive. It will bring people to you.

The above process is rather uncommon. I thought it was odd when I started doing it, too, but I wanted to attract relationships to me so badly that I was willing to try anything. Although I felt uncomfortable at first, the peculiar thing was that it started working. I started becoming the kind of person I was visualizing. I started having people come to me to hang out with them. And most importantly, I got the girl that I am still wonderfully in love with. I have faith that you can attract that person too. If at any point you need help, are unsure of things, or just need some encouragement, please do email me. Take care.

As always, please feel free to email me what you think, criticisms, questions, or even a friendly hello. I would love to hear from you!